Colds, Injuries, and Complaints Aboard the USS Enterprise
by Cumberbatch Critter
Summary: Being aboard the USS Enterprise, bad things are bound to happen. Ranging from the common cold to bloody noses to hypothermia to the synthesizer not making your morning brew, bad things happen. Series of drabbles involving ailments, injuries, or complaints involving all characters.
1. Spock - Broken Nose

**Colds, Injuries, and Complaints About the ****_USS Enterprise_**

"Don't we have any damn tissues?" Kirk snapped, frantically throwing things out of storage compartments in his search.

"Cabdain-"

"Damn. Bones was right. We should have brought a med kit," Kirk muttered, not looking up.

"Cabdain, your worry is nod necessary. Id was nod logical do assume dad..." Sniff. "Dad I would be subjeded do a bunch..." Sniff. "A punch on the nose."

Kirk looked back at Spock, who had just taken his fingers away from his nose. The local mayor type person- Kirk didn't know what it was called here- on the planet they were surveying had punched Spock directly in the nose with an terrible crack. The blood had started pouring immediately, gushing from Spock's nose as though it were a faucet. And yeah, Kirk knew that Spock had green blood, but damn if watching that much _green_ run from Spock's nose wasn't weird and scary.

"It should stop bleeding within five minutes," Spock said, before pressing his nose to the sleeve of his tunic. Blue stained with green.

"You're losing a shit ton of blood," Kirk said, returning in his quest to find something similar to tissues.

"Logical. My nose is broken."

"Stop reminding me!" Kirk said, continuing to throw things aside. "Oh! Here!"

He had found a travel package of formula enhanced tissues. With several pushes of the button on the package, he accumulated a handful and passed them to Spock.

Spock took them and pressed them to his nose gingerly. His eyes flickered up to meet Kirk's. "Cabdain, id would be mos' logical do redurn do da negotiations," Spock said, voice muffled again from the pressure on his nose.

Any other time, that would have been funny, the way Spock was talking so imperfectly. But now it wasn't funny at all, Spock's tunic stained green and Kirk's gold command speckled with his first officer's blood, too.

"Right... Right," Kirk muttered, turning to the shuttle's door. "Stay here. I'm going to have Bones beam down. I'll be back after I've dealt with these bastards."

Spock raised an eyebrow.

"These... people, I meant," Kirk amended, ducking out of the shuttle door.

Spock sighed, swapping out tissues and leaning forward as a river of blood trickled past his lips.

* * *

**So, this series will include anything from the common cold to allergies to the heating system aboard the _Enterprise_ being out. Hence colds, injuries, and complaints. It will feature all the characters- Spock, Kirk, Bones, Sulu, Chekov, Uhura, Scotty. Heck, I might even throw in some Into Darkness characters. Each oneshot is its own story. They will not be connected. Lots of random h/c goodness.**

**Bones is up next. :) And like I said, it will involve all characters, so if you don't like what you see immediately, chances are, you'll find something you care for sooner or later.**

**I do not own _Star Trek_. Thank you!**


	2. McCoy - Allergies

"Dammit," Bones muttered, leaning forward to press his forehead against his arms. "The hell we gotta come here for, Jim?"

"Because I live here?" Kirk said, almost a question, in response.

"Damn Iowa and all this _corn_. And you bring me here while they harvesting it. I hate you," Bones sniffed.

"How was I supposed to know you have allergies? Who has allergies anymore?" Kirk joked, sipping at his peppermint schnapps.

"Well, I'm sorry that I failed to mention it, when we're_ millions_ of miles up there in space, the great big vacuum that _sucks_ everything out of it." McCoy gestured towards the ceiling before sniffling heartily.

Kirk raised his eyebrows as Bones dropped his head back onto his arms. He had joined him at the bar, amidst much complaining, but he had plopped his arms onto the bar and dropped his head onto them.

It wasn't Kirk's fault. He hadn't known that Bones had _allergies_, of all things, fall allergies. They were up in space most of the time and Kirk had never remembered Bones being sniffly while they were at the Academy.

"Here," Kirk said, ordering a shot of jack and setting it next to McCoy. "This'll help."

"Hell it will," he muttered, although he raised his head and threw it back. "Nope, it didn't help."

"Did you want Saurian brandy?"

"Yeah, let's be sick _and_ drunk," McCoy grumbled, sneezing so violently that it pitched his head forward. "Owww."

Kirk watched him amusedly. "You complain a lot."

McCoy sniffed heartily, rubbing his nose with a used tissue. His pockets seemed to be overflowing with crumpled tissues every since they started shore leave. Kirk thought it was funny... even though he did feel a _little_ bad for the doctor turned patient.

"You know what they say," Bones mumbled. "Doctors make the worse patients." He raised a hand to rub his eyes. "Be honest; I look like shit, don't I?"

Kirk regarded McCoy's puffy, red, watery eyes, the red nose, the overwhelming amount of tissues and the slouch to the man's shoulders...

"You look like shit," he said, turning back to his schnapps.

"Yeah, I knew it." McCoy sighed. "Why isn't that damn antihistamine working?"

"Maybe you're allergic to it," Kirk teased.

Bones glared. "You know what? I'm bunking with you in that irritant-covered farmhouse of yours, so it'll be your ass that will be awake all night with my sneezing."

Kirk's face fell a fraction of an inch. "Oh. Well... I've got earplugs."

Bones rolled his eyes. "Your bedside manner is astounding," he said, pillowing his head back on his arms.

"All in a day's time, Bones," Kirk said cheerfully, clapping McCoy on the back. "All in a day's time."

* * *

**Because these two are adorable and Bones being under the weather is adorable, too~ Another Bones oneshot next chapter, just because I guess I love Bones :p**

**I do not own _Star Trek_. Thank you!**


	3. McCoy - Coffee

"Damn... Piece of shit... Stupid ass spaceship..."

Leonard thumped his hand against the wall near the synthesizer, growling under his breath. In addition to the damn thing not working, his hand now hurt. This was making up to be a _terrible_ morning. He contemplated the ramifications of just throwing his boxer-clad self back into bed.

If he didn't get his morning coffee, he was going to a right pain in someone's-

There was a buzz at his door.

He glanced down at himself, unshowered and wearing nothing but his Starfleet issued black boxers. 0527 hours; what a perfect time for visitors.

"Yeah, who is it?"

"Your one and only Captain."

Leonard rolled his eyes. "Come in."

The door slid open and Jim strode in, two paper cups in his hands.

McCoy narrowed his eyes. "Jim... What is that?"

Kirk looked from McCoy to the paper cups in his hand and then back to McCoy mockingly. "I think... I think... _oh_, I think it's coffee. How did that get there?" He grinned.

Leonard crossed the room and grabbed one of the cups from Jim as quickly as he could without spilling it. "Don't be an ass. You know I hate mornings."

Jim raised an eyebrow, grinning. "I know that I don't want to be around you if you _don't_ have coffee, so I actually went to the kitchen to get some. Which you could have done, too."

McCoy muttered something as he took a drink of his coffee. "I forget we actually _have_ a kitchen."

Jim grinned and set his cup down, flopping onto McCoy's bed. "I do too, sometimes, actually. Replicators and all that."

"Pieces of shit, if you ask me."

"Now, now, Bones. You've got your coffee. Don't be grouchy." Jim was still grinning.

Sometimes, McCoy thought, he just wanted to knock the smile off his best friend's face.

However, that best friend in question brought him coffee. He could put up with the annoying smile as long as he had his morning brew.

* * *

**Poor wittle Bones needs his morning coffee before he can handle all the trouble little Jimmy gets them into. :p**

**I'm thinking Pavel for the next chapter. I love zat little Vussian. ;)**


End file.
